Do versus Say...

“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

This quote has been in my thoughts so much lately. I remember hearing a similar version over the years that says “Actions speak louder than words.” It always made sense. But there’s just something about it that means even more to me at this season in my life. As a child, I thought it would be so wonderful to trust everyone. As a teen, I hoped to trust others by their words. Yet as a middle-age adult, I have seen obvious and distinct differences in words and actions..which has led me to trust verrrrry carefully. I definitely don’t wish to become cynical or critical, pointing my finger at others’ inconsistencies. But I simply want to evaluate my own life…and encourage others to do the same.

In a world so overwhelmed with busyness, confusion, disappointment and uncertainty, it is essential that what we say is confirmed by what we do and how we live. I think we all want to make a difference in this world before we leave it. So it seems quite simple yet desperately necessary for authenticity to prevail in our lives. I remember as a child, growing up in the mountains of Virginia, that when someone said they would do something, there was no doubt that it would be done. A handshake sealed agreements without hesitation. And the majority of the time, what someone said pretty much seemed to match how they lived. Yet, I am heartbroken when now we wonder on a regular basis if someone’s words to us are true, genuine and sincere….or we must be so cautious that we aren’t “conned,” “played” or deceived.

Years, ago, someone heard where I attended college and with much enthusiasm asked me if I was a Christian. By the way she asked, I realized that this question was more about her interest and curiosity about my education and direction than confusion about my life. But I have never forgotten that moment. Since then, I often wonder if someone has to ask about my beliefs, values and commitments, have I not lived my life genuinely and consistently enough that there is still a need to question it. I admit…life is confusing. Quite frankly, sometimes we speak “faith phrases” and quote Scripture to each other…frequently, casually and even automatically. Yet our actions, attitudes and words later seem to conflict with our words…greatly. That is heartbreaking. I know from being a spouse, parent, friend, neighbor and inhabitant on this earth…that someone is always watching us, listening to us and observing our example. Some folks are genuinely seeking direction in their lives. Others seem to be waiting for us to make a mistake. It’s not an easy journey. But in all fairness, I do believe we can be confusing to others when we claim a life of love, faith, hope and joy…while we reflect hatred, doubt, criticism and conflict….all too often.

What we speak... matters, without a doubt. Yet how we live in according to what we say, makes or breaks our authenticity…quickly. I hesitate to share this but I pray you will understand what and why I am trying to say. When Tim and I were in located ministry, we frequently heard this phrase from our congregations: “You all are so real!” Well, you can imagine that we weren’t quite sure what to do with that. It could have been taken as a compliment…or it could have been taken quite differently. Isn’t it sad that we didn’t know how to take that? As realistic and curious as we were/are, we couldn’t help but ask what they meant. (I prayed I hadn’t messed things up as a minister’s wife! Lol) As the individuals shared with us, I thanked God for positive answers…(whew!) while being saddened that it shocked others that Christians could be real! Basically, those folks said that they felt they could approach us because they knew we were human, (definitely human!) we didn’t consider ourselves superior to them, (why on earth would we?), we cared about them (of course!) and we were approachable (as we should be!). They also shared that although we were Christians and in the ministry, they knew what we stood for…but they didn’t feel we were judging them or “choking them with a fifty pound Bible” anytime they had a question or made a mistake. Well, I appreciated their kindness. But at the same time, I still wondered why it was such a shock that we could love others, be human, stand for Truth and leave the judging up to God…all at once. This doesn’t mean we backed down from what Scripture says…or we had an “anything goes” mentality or ministry. But it left me speechless sometimes to hear the shock in others because we were “real.” (What else would we be?)
I really don’t have an answer except to say that I think this world is reaching out for something…and someone…real! That means they are looking for something solid, trustworthy, genuine and effective. So we have a wonderful opportunity to reflect Him, His love, His truth, His hope, His peace and His healing. But…we must be genuine…and consistent…continually.

Dear friends…when we tell someone we care, let’s share it with concern, compassion and actions…regularly. When we call ourselves friends, family, Christians and His children…let’s live it! When we share a Scripture passage…or a “faith phrase”…let’s make sure we are doing our very best to extend that as a reflection in our daily lives. Let’s make our lives so obviously genuine and consistent that there is no question whatsoever about Who we serve, how we live and what we say. Recently someone told something very untrue about me. It hurt deeply. (You know how they say musicians are sensitive people…well, it’s true!) I was so touched when the person who had heard this said to me…”Oh, Terri, we know you well enough to know you would never have said/done that.” Whew! I was relieved! Although I deeply appreciated the affirmation, let me tell you that although what I had been accused of was indeed untrue…..there are many times in my life when my words, actions, behavior and claims definitely conflict! So if I want to make a difference in this world for Him, for my loved ones and for those I leave behind, I need to continually evaluate and commit to making sure that how I live, what I do and what I say…speak the same message. Psalm 19: 14 says “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” May I honor my Rock Redeemer…completely…in all I say and do.♥~thl