Eight weeks....and Eternity....

We knew the time was coming.  We had known for years.  We saw her becoming less of herself and more  the victim of a horrible, cruel and incurable disease.  Yet she lived passionately.  She fought fiercely.  She died peacefully.  Eight weeks ago today, my precious Mom entered the arms of her Lord for eternity.

It doesn't seem possible that she has already been gone that long.  Wasn't it just yesterday she took care of me after I fell through a glass door?  Wasn't it just yesterday she taught me how to cook?  Wasn't it just yesterday that she sang in the kitchen as she worked?  Wasn't it just yesterday she and Dad somehow got five children ready for Church or school each morning?  Wasn't it just yesterday she told me I was going to have a third sibling...and then a fourth?  Wasn't it just yesterday she was thrilled to hear that I was going to give birth to her first grandchild?  Wasn't it just yesterday that she drove two states away to take care of our children while I was in the hospital?  Wasn't it just yesterday that we realized she was facing the challenging diagnosis of Alzheimer's Disease?  Wasn't it just yesterday that she assured me that she still knew I was her daughter? Wasn't it just yesterday I kissed her forehead for the last time and told her I would see her soon?

Yet eight weeks ago today, she left this world for a new, eternal Home, a new body, a new joy and a new life in a place of no more tears, no more sickness, no more goodbyes and no more sadness?  We lost her more and more each day for years.  Then we lost her presence completely.  Yet she is not lost at all for we know exactly where she is and Who is holding her.

I miss my Mom.  I miss her amazing ability to multitask.  I miss her whistling, her singing and her tapping her foot as music played.  I miss her wonderful cooking.  I miss her laughter, her wisdom, her strong spirit and her humor.  I miss her determination and devotion for life and those she loved.  I miss her each moment of every day.  I am her only daughter.  I bear her name as part of my middle name.  I have blue eyes and fair skin like she had.  I think of her when I work, cook, plant flowers. play piano and work daily.

These past eight weeks have been very different.  While she was in the nursing home for several years, I knew that I could visit her when I went home.  Now I visit her grave.  Instead of taking her gifts when I saw her, I now take flowers for her headstone.  Yet these eight weeks have reminded me how precious each moment of life is to us. I am reminded that although the days often seem long, the years are short and gone much too soon.  I realize that my time on this earth is very brief and I must celebrate and embrace each breath as an incredible, precious gift.

Most of all, I realize that this separation is only temporary.  My Mom is in her eternal Home and she will never hurt, suffer, be confused or frightened again.  She is in the presence of the One she loved dearly and with many loved ones she missed greatly.  Mom is healed, whole and joyful.  She is well.  She is happy.  Forever.   Yes, I will miss her through my last breath. Yet our love, our hope, our faith and our Lord will bring us together again.  Eight weeks may seem like forever to me but eternity will be so much greater than these days of missing her here.

Enjoy your Heavenly Home, Mom.  I miss you but I know I will see you again.  Please hug Jesus and all our precious loved ones already there.  Thank you for all the sacrifices, love and ways you touched my life...and many lives...forever.  I'll see you soon and I can hardly wait to hug you...and kiss your forehead again....for eternity.<3~thl

In Memory of my Mom, Barbara P. Huffman
January 14, 1935 ~ April 6, 2017

Winter wonder....

It has been awhile since my last post.  Much has happened with the illness of my Dad and the continued decline of my Mom's battle with Alzheimer's Disease.  Just when we thought things were calming down, illness struck our family again and it has been an interesting and challenging year so far.

It was perfect timing.  His perfect timing. With so much that has been happening in our lives recently, I have certainly seen God leading us, strengthening us and answering our many prayers.  When I have no answers, He does.  When I have concerns, He cares.  When I am weak, He carries me.  When I am uncertain, He gives peace.  When I am discouraged, He gives hope.

Today was no exception.  It wasn't an easy day.  It wasn't a horrible day.  It wasn't my favorite day.  But it was another day.  A gift.  A day to live, breathe, love, work, pray and wonder how everything will work out on many levels.  He is in control.  He is powerful.  He is present.  Yet...in my very human nature, I kept trying to make list after list of what, when, where and how life should be handled.  I felt like I had "to do my part and much more" and soon realized that I am totally unable to handle all that faces us each day and in every situation.

When the mail arrived, a package was delivered.  Totally unexpected.  Totally surprising.  No specific reason.  Yet a package came from a very dear friend.  I couldn't imagine what it contained.  Christmas was over.  Birthday is months away.  So why was a package sent in the middle of winter?

As I opened it, I realized God's timing was once again perfect, precious and provisional.  My dear friend had sent a collection of devotion books for the entire year.  Although January is over, I decided to begin there before diving into February's selections.  My heart was touched deeply as I read the front cover.   "Do everything you can and leave the rest to God."  I knew this in my head but my heart desperately needed to be reminded of this essential truth.  How timely.  How perfect.  How like God!

So on a cool winter's night, with so much on my heart and mind, I received another beautiful "nod from God."  I wonder....does He chuckle as He watches me make my countless lists, notes and plans?  I wonder...does He do as parents often do and think..."Let her realize that it's not all up to her to handle this alone.  I'm still here."  I wonder...does He wonder if I will ever get it right?  Of course, He knows I won't.  But I wonder...how does God who is so amazing, forgiving and gracious...still love me?  I will wonder that the rest of my life.  Yet one thing is for sure.  Today was no ordinary day.  Actually, no day is an ordinary day.  For He is always with us.  His love continues to surround us.  His reminders are always in front of us if we just take time to look, listen and learn.  I am amazed.  I am grateful.  I am never alone.<3~thl