Masks...

It happens every day. I wake up, stumble into the kitchen for medicine and a breakfast bar, drag myself to the shower, turn on the music and start a brand new day. Next, I work on getting myself presentable…which is becoming increasingly complicated as I get older. There’s the challenge of getting my hair to do what I want it to do….although straightening it doesn’t keep the waves out…and managing them according to my plan…well, isn’t successful often. Tim says he can see my Cherokee in the coarse texture. So…it’s always a challenge. And then….there’s the face…..

Yes…I thank God daily for my Merle Norman cosmetics collection. Honestly, it’s more like a survival kit for my public presence…and then the routine continues. There’s moisturizer, primer, concealer, foundation, powder, etc., etc., etc.. You get the picture. It’s like trying to accomplish some kind of art form on a pale and aging canvas. I am so thankful that I am able to rise each day, have a safe and comfortable home to live in…a shower to wake me up…and the resources to work on this canvas. I realize there are countless blessings in this daily scenario.

But…in my analytical mind, I have been thinking about this morning routine. I wouldn’t dare go out in public with my face uncovered…or my hair “un-managed” somewhat. Yes…I am “one of those” patients that goes into surgeries with a certain level of cosmetic accomplishment. It’s not that I am overly concerned with perfection. Truly, I realize I will never have a perfect image. It’s more because I know there are scars, imperfections and, even more so, a certain level of vulnerability that I don’t want exposed to the world. I don’t want everyone seeing me that vulnerable, (shocking them), and I don’t want to look that way,(self-preservation), myself.

No…I am not model material. Never was. Never will be. No…I have never been told I represent perfection. Yes, I still play outside with my family, work in the dirt with my flowers and trees, pull my hair back in a ponytail when it’s hot outside and walk around the house with minimal makeup. But…there is a definite limit in how much of the “real, bare-faced me” I allow the world to see.

Don’t most of us do that to some degree? We have that “public side” that we allow others to see, hear and know about us? Then we have a “closer side” that we allow our friends and family to see a bit more openly. But there’s that very vulnerable part of us that we will protect, hide, preserve and…sometimes even deny…that we rarely, if ever, allow others to realize exists within us.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t have healthy boundaries emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. That is essential, actually! What I am referring to is the part of our lives that keeps us from growing, maturing, loving and living with freedom as God intended. Do we actually live in such fear of facing the imperfections, pain and deep, bleeding wounds that we work harder and harder to cover them up…leading to a life of imprisonment...instead of facing the scars so we can embrace life more fully? I sincerely believe that there are many, many precious lives being ruthlessly bombarded by the heartaches, heartbreaks, injustices and incomprehensible attacks satan has released in this world. We cannot live in such a cruel and fallen world without varied degrees of injury and battle scars.

But that leads us to two responses. First, are we willing to share our vulnerable sides with others? Are we able to get beyond pride, embarrassment, guilt, shame, or self-image to accept and release the pain so that we can heal and live for Him freely? Second…and this is a tough one…do we even feel safe enough around others…even those who say they care, love us, call us friends or brothers/sisters…to believe we can be secure in our vulnerability? As we try to uncover the bare truths in our lives, are others honest and realistic enough to accept us…and their own struggles…to allow true freedom and healing?

I wish I had lots of answers. I wish I could offer a neat step-by-step method of making all of this simple, easy and effective. But in the depths of my heart, I know that we have a long way to go on this journey of life…and much to learn in how we handle the rugged mountains, deep valleys, cuts, bruises, disappointments and storms. I also know that we have been given the opportunity and responsibility to share this journey together…and help one another along the way. Some may be stronger while others are weaker at times. There will be some who have gifts of listening, encouraging, holding up and bandaging the wounds. Others will have vital gifts of teaching, leading, protecting and providing. But no one should have to go through this life alone…especially with heavy burdens, broken hearts and bleeding wounds…too afraid to share. Something is so wrong when we claim to know Him…yet we don’t have any idea how much those around us are hurting and hiding. Quite honestly, I wonder if we are sometimes more aware of the wounds in this world…and yet we ignore them…while convincing ourselves that we are too busy or spiritual…to respond. We have too many activities in our jobs, responsibilities…and yes, even in our Churches…to spend time caring. We turn our backs and “promise to pray.” Of course, prayer is an incredible and powerful part of our Christian lives. Yet…do we hide behind the phrase alone to reach out…really reach out…to His other children…the hurting or lost ones?

At the end of the day, it is time to reverse my routine. In order to be healthy, I must wash away the dirt and cosmetics. It is then that I must also evaluate if I truly washed away my own motives in order to be His child. Did I remove the soil of my soul? Did I truly listen to the hearts around me? Did I care about those in my path more than what I was pursuing in my own life? Looking in the mirror, I must honestly decide if my public image measures up to my true self. Am I the same underneath as what I allowed others to see? Or is it totally different? Did what I speak match what I claim? Did my appearance match my attitude? As I apply a moisturizer…yes…even some wrinkle cream…I pray that God will renew my soul, redirect the wrinkles in my life…and help me begin a new day after resting in His arms of forgiveness, love and hope. Tomorrow is a new day. I hope masks are not required.♥~thl