Fifth grade failure...

It was a moment I remember clearly.  As I stood in the classroom on that first day of school, I was excited, challenged and terrified.  I loved my teacher.  She had actually taught my Dad, my two older brothers...and now me.  "Miss Mary" began every morning reading from the Bible followed by the class pledging allegiance to the flag. Then she took turns teaching two grades.  Yes....two grades were in each classroom. The teachers made it look simple.  While one grade studied, the other grade was taught a new lesson.(As a former teacher, I remain amazed by their methods and success!)  This was the fifth and sixth grade classroom.  Every classroom at Maywood Elementary School had two grades except for seventh grade, where the teacher was also the principal.  For the next two years, Miss Mary would be my teacher.  My Aunt was her aide and the school secretary.  We were located  in the upstairs hallway and now seen as "upperclassmen" at MES. It was an eventful day! 

I vividly recall Miss Mary putting her arm around me and telling me how pleased she was to have me as her student.  When she asked if I was excited, my first words were "Yes....but I don't want to fail."  I had never failed any class previously.  Yet I was concerned that I might not be smart enough to make it this time!  I remember Miss Mary's encouraging words.  "Oh, sweet girl, you're a hard worker and I know you will do just fine."  Miss Mary was a kind lady but she didn't say something unless she meant it.  Now I felt like I could make it through fifth grade...and perhaps sixth grade, too!  

This week has been one of reflection and evaluation for me.  I realize where I have been.  I realize where I am.  I realize where I want to be before my journey is complete. Ironically, those same words spoken to the teacher by a shy fifth grader...still resound in my mind.  I am excited...but I don't want to fail. Yet I have failed.  I have failed as a person, a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a friend, a musician, a teacher, a counselor and every area of my life.  The dictionary defines failure as "falling short.."  Yes, I have done that many times and what incredible lessons I have learned in those failures.

I have learned that failure doesn't mean I will give up.  I have learned that failure is a valuable teacher.  I have learned that failure is not the end.  I have learned that failure helps me learn, grow, understand and become a better person.  Most importantly, I have learned that even when I fail, Someone still believes in me. He places His arms around me.  He holds me.  He has a purpose for me.  He loves me.  

Yes, I actually made it through fifth and sixth grades without any major concerns.  Knowing Miss Mary cared made me want to learn more and work even harder.  Knowing He cares about me makes me want to make the most of each moment, lesson and opportunity.  I will fail again.  I will fall short repeatedly. Falling short is tough on a perfectionist...but I have found peace in knowing He is with me, He forgives me and He loves me...anyway. May the excitement continue for there's much to learn ahead!<3~thl